I blame the cereal commercials. The sun is always shining on their kitchen tables through the California soundstage for Sunny-D or Raisin Bran or whatever, but here, the moon is still shining as we stumble through our morning routine and it’s still dark when my daughter walks into her school. In the commercials, the mom is not getting dressed in the dark next to a sleeping baby bassinet. She doesn’t run half-dressed down to the laundry room to try to find the missing pieces. The cat doesn’t vomit at 4:00 a.m. Her white collared shirt and khakis are freshly pressed and she’s been up for hours reading the paper. She doesn’t read headlines exclusively from her phone during middle of the night feedings or eat lunch at her desk or pump breast milk while driving down the interstate. If she did, she wouldn’t look so put together. But I have to remember that the she of the commercials doesn’t really exist. She is as airbrushed as any other media image.
Fridays, I am filled with hope about all that I will get done for the house on the weekend. By Monday, we will have a menu for the week. We will have organized the by-the-door mail tray. We will be visions of Real Simple zenness. But by Sunday, I am hit with the reality that I’ve still got so far to go. I scratch the surface but by Wednesday, the wheels start to fall off of the bus. The floor starts to show wear from the week. The things I was caught up with on Sunday have begun to pile up and it begins again.
I have one friend who sets her alarm for 3:00 a.m. so that she can go to a 24-hour superstore to do all of her shopping while her husband and children sleep. Another schedules her conference calls for 4:00 a.m. (her business is mostly in Asia) so that she can pick up her children at their after school program. And so many of my friends admirably get up to exercise at 5:00 a.m. because that is the only time that is just theirs. What I find both inspiring and a little heartbreaking is the lengths we will go to in order to get it all done and not cheat anyone else out of our time. I think about those women and their extremes – ones beyond anything I do- and I wish that I could (in the words of a friend) give them an “S” for their chest.
While mopping the floors in complete darkness at midnight on Wednesday, I thought about this and this song and it reminded me that these are first world problems and I wouldn’t trade any of my responsbilities. I just need to change my expectations and recognize myths like cereal commercials when I see them.
“She was one of the first female photographers I remember. It merely changed from another bloke. This is interesting. Let’s see how long she lasts. But she hung in and that was the other big surprise. We thought, ‘she won’t last long.’” Keith Richards on Annie Leibovitz from the documentary A Life Through A Lens.
“Let’s see how long she lasts” is one of those whispers that gets me out of bed like a bass driven Nike commercial.
I regret that I could not take on holiday card photo sessions this year for clients, so I’ve posted 10 Photography Tips for photographing your family this season on the Paper Boat Photography fan page on Facebook.
And, to thank you for coming back here to read, I’ve put together a Teaworthy Holiday Gift Guide board on Pinterest.
This beautiful soul came into our world three weeks early. He came so fast and has seemed so pleased with himself to be here. We are overjoyed and I hear Billie Holiday’s version of Moonglow in the margins of my days.
“I still hear you sayin’, “Dear one, hold me fast”
And I keep on prayin’, “Oh Lord, please let this last…
And now when there’s moonglow, way up in the blue
I’ll always remember, that moonglow gave me you”
On January 1, 2011, I made a New Years resolution that I wanted to take time to notice everyday miracles. No plan to lose weight or anything like that. I felt cynical and wanted to shift my attention to positive things. I was willing to start small. But three days later, I was pregnant. It took the help of two very brilliant doctors to stay that way and the prayers of a church congregation and our families through several complications, but he’s here now and he is doing great. And with every thank you note that I write – more than fifty now – I am humbled to think about how many people helped us get here.
I have so many essays in my head that I need to write. They are pushing and shoving for their turn in this place and I hope to get to them. They sound like background noise at a cocktail party- several simultaneous conversations. I worry that by the time I get to them, it will be too late and someone will already be taking away the empty glasses and turning chairs upside down to clean the floor. They may not be of any use to anyone else, but I need them to put things in order and not writing (or in the alternative taking photographs) seems a bit disorganized.
Joan Didion has a great essay about writing called Why I Write that she published in the New York Times Book Review in 1976. In it, she says, “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I fear….what is going on in these pictures in my mind?” Absolutely. I feel a little rudderless without that order of things. Someday soon, I hope. Until then, I’ll collect as many images as I can to remember.
November 1, 2011 - 10:02 pmFaye - beautiful boy, beautiful words
November 2, 2011 - 9:35 amMarcia - I'm so happy for you! I'm crying. Children are the most wonderful miracle and gift of life.
November 2, 2011 - 1:19 pmKath - I have been long absent from visiting blogs. And today I came here on a whim, and look, I too found a miracle! Congratulations. What a beautiful boy.
Kath
November 2, 2011 - 2:00 pmmargie - how gorgeous!! so happy for you, nothing like a new baby to make you feel the love.
November 8, 2011 - 11:37 amjolene - He is his greatgrannys beautiful no.15....jolene
November 13, 2011 - 10:10 pmKatie - Congratulations on your sweet little man! I know you are enjoying every minute! I understand what you mean about capturing as many images as you can... I can stop taking pictures of my little boy who is now 6 months old! It goes so fast!
November 27, 2011 - 6:10 pmTeaworthy - Thank you so much for the kind words and for reading. Congratulations to you, too!
January 8, 2012 - 1:16 pmAnna - Hello Teaworthy - I can relate to this cacophony of ideas and thoughts swirling in my mind, eager to make their way to the pages of a book or screen of my computer. This past year, I have placed this voice on a shelf and asked it to wait there until I was ready to come back and listen. I am trying to listen to that voice again, and found your blog post quite inspiring and motivating. Congratulations on your new addition and the blessing you have received. Write those ideas down (even if just in short phrases) and come back to them when you are ready. Someone else may have written something similar, but only you have your perspective and your voice ... which is unique to you and the reader. Be well, my friend! - Anna
I wanted to share this little book I made via Instagram & Blurb. I had a coupon so it cost me $7 bucks and took less than 30 minutes to make because you just go to Blurb.com and type in your Instagram info and it brings your photos over from there. {Instagram is a free iphone app that lets you put different filters on your phone pix and share them with friends.} I made a little Summer 2011 book to remember this very busy blur of a time with new jobs, new baby on the way, new school beginnings for my daughter, and so on. These are just iphone photos, but it’s still lovely and easy.
I will look back on this summer and remember these things.
I’ll remember watching my belly grow.
I’ll remember working with swollen feet and being so excited to put them up after she went to sleep to watch Zen or this Sherlock series with my husband: one eye on the TV, one on Words With Friends.
I will remember her new love for headstands and mine for watermelon. I will remember sitting on the porch early in the morning. I will remember not being able to go to the ocean and missing it like a friend.
I will think about being thankful for each week that we made it through.
I’ll remember taking my girl out of summer camp like a jail break and listening to this song on the way to get her some treat:
like this:
I’m sure there will be many things that I will forget, but these little pieces will be sea glass in the jar that will glow for me through the winter.
Esperanza Spalding is a new favorite. I love that her name means “hope” and love her covers even more than her original songs. Like this one of Lauryn Hill’s Tell Him.
{To watch the video version of Ben Sollee’s Tiny Desk Concert, be sure to click through to NPR. I love the first song he plays called Hurting. Ben is one of those talented, positive Kentuckians who make us all proud of home.}
Crossed off of our Summer To-Do list so far: we’ve had sundaes, a trip to the Drive-In, a sprinkler run, pool time, park visits, dinners on the screened-in porch most nights, catching lightening bugs only to let them go, grilling out, and farmer’s market fruits and veggies. In between has been a very busy time at work and a lot of changes at home as we get ready for this baby we have waited so long to meet.
The last of the pre-baby no. 2 Paper Boat Photography shoots are complete. Once those edits are finished, I hope to:
July 28, 2011 - 12:56 pmJIll - Clotheslines are awesome. They were very popular in NZ. Kiwis are too practical to waste all that sun. Check out round ones that are on a stand. Not quite as nostalgic as the long strand style but efficient. Like the farm photos; looks a lot like my place in hills with the goats and Great Pyrenees. Glad you are having a good KY summer.
Writing you from here today. I’m still finding homes for things in the new shelves, but it’s nice to have just the keyboard and some pencils in a cup that my sister made for me.
I’ve been reading What There Is To Say We Have Said: The Correspondence of Eudora Welty and William Maxwell edited by Suzanne Marrs {in the photograph above}. I love Maxwell’s letter to Welty about reading the first three pages of Welty’s June Recital despite being interrupted by the chores of the day:
“…I went on reading, stopping once to take the folding chair out into the yard, lay a fire, and get the stepladder and take some things to the attic…and then having done all these things without my mind, rushed back to your book. At one point I was aware that I was holding my breath, a thing I don’t ever remember doing before, while reading, and what I was holding my breath for is lest I might disturb something in nature, a leaf that was about to move, a bird, a wasp, a blade of grass caught between other blades of grass and about to set itself free. And then farther on I said to myself, this writing is corrective, meaning of course for myself and all other writers, and almost at the end I said reverently This is how one feels in the presence of a work of art, and finally, in the last paragraph, when the face came through, there was nothing to say. You had gone as far as there is to go and then taken one step farther.” -William Maxwell to Eudora Welty, August 24, 1949. p. 25
Lots of sorting and organizing, photo editing and {hopefully} writing to be done here. Until then, here are a few photography links I keep returning to visit:
*The coolest, most romantic interactive photo by Jamie Beck called The Kettle Can Wait.
*This gorgeous maternity session from Gabriel Ryan.
*Family session loveliness from Tara Whitney.
by Teaworthy
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