Being There

Shannon Leone Fowler and her 25-year old fiance Sean were swimming in the ocean in Thailand when he was stung by a box jellyfish and died 3 minutes later. She’s written about it and about her grieving process in an online essay for Real Simple here. The print version of Real Simple has an essay about the same tragedy, but written from Fowler’s mother’s perspective.

After reading both essays,  I can’t quit thinking about how two 21-year old Israeli women cared for Fowler, a stranger to them, as she spun around the drain of this terrible experience. If you don’t get a chance to read the essays, the gist is that these strangers stayed with her, despite her protests that she didn’t need help. They were her advocates, insisting on translations of documents, helping her navigate the process. 

Fowler writes:

When Sean’s body was taken from the beach to the hospital by truck, these women followed on foot. They were with me the moment Sean was officially declared dead. When the receptionist immediately requested payment, the women demanded I be allowed time alone with his body. When the hospital staff gave me a document written in Thai and told me to sign, I automatically picked up a pen, but the women held my hand and insisted the document be translated first. The cause of death had been listed as drunk drowning. I learned later from a scientist who specialized in box jellyfish that deaths from jellyfish are sometimes covered up to avoid hurting the tourism industry.

It’s a powerful story for many reasons, but I can’t quit thinking about the women who stayed with her, even when she said she didn’t need help and how important it is to just be present for people, to take care of each other.

I was once on an airplane when the passenger seated in front of us died mid-flight. I remember a Marine and his wife were on board as well and following the medical emergency landing, they sat with the widow in the waiting area, getting her tissues, holding her hand calling relatives for her. The soldier and his wife would speak Spanish to one another softly and then turn to the widow with a plan they had just improvised to keep her comfortable and thinking about what comes next. She seemed relieved to have their peaceful guidance. The airline handled it as well as they could, but not as well as ordinary people just being human.

That’s the whole point of living, of being human.